Sami Yusuf

In one of his interview, he said,"“The artistic, literary and creative horizons are so huge right now because there is a vacuum in terms of art, music and film. I think artists and creative-minded people, the composers, journalists and poets of the Muslim world, have to seize this opportunity to revive a civilization that has been lost."

I applaud you this, my brother!



You have to listen till 03:18 - that's when his voice soars and me gets that tingly feel down me spine.

Sing If You're Glad To Be Gay

I must say that altho there is a slight confidence in my inner gaeity, my outer reflection is a total mess.

Today I left home for class. But I dallied. Too late. So I had a hair cut (long overdue) and bought some light brown hair dye to boot.

It's like my mind is telling me I have to do this and do that but alas my body is uncooperative.

I think I think too much.

Wondering about next pay check. How am I gonna upkeep my bills. And my social life?
I can see some of you raisng an eyebrow. "If you a pauper, you live like one." But ahh,,, tis so easy to preach. But in practise, my friend... Dun be too quick too judge till you get to be in me shoes, eh.

Amidst all of these - is my wanting to be totally Gay. It IS a big deal to me. Coz it feels like I'm about to get there but where???

U know when you're about to climax but you never really do?
Yes, I'm in That perpetual state. GodDamn, Tiring!

It's like I know I'm gonna come but where?

ok, enough of rant.

This weekend was real good for me. I went out with Tanya like 2 girlfriends havin fun. It's like Bette and Alice hanging out. (Btw, I met Etha and she didn't know abt L word. How can that be? But she does know of QAF so that's alright I sppose.)

*sigh* Monday Blues

Another issue that's been nagging at me is how I've lost my fitness. Today I went out and all I had energy was to step out to the bus stop before deciding to take the cab. Maybe it's the heat. Fine, it's Not totally the heat!

So my step for today is to acknowledge that I want to pursue my fitness. We'll think about how later coz another thought just came in my mind.

You know how in those days, there were all those Freedom songs. Think abt freedom against slavery and against white supremacy etc. Well, I'd like to compose some gay freedom songs mostly depicting me, a muslim woman caged up in this living hell. Ok, I exxagerate. It's not a living hell but hey if I'd really write a song about some protagonist in a not-so-bad situation, what kind of marketability would that be?

I found the ultimate gay song and am happy to note that he's a fellow bisexual.
[Yes, people. I admit. I am bisexual. Hey, didn't I tell you Not to judge. Besides, I reckon I am bi with a higher tendency towards being a lesbian. (Becoz all men suck!) haha. Okay, I just said that to get a reaction. Don't spam on my comments all at once, yah.]

No more pretending

No, I'm not shouting it out at the top of my lungs but I won't hide it.

I'mma gon move on with life. Start being the person that am s'pposed to be instead of wastin time pretendin to be someone that I'm not. I mean, god Damn - I'm exhausted.

Enough is enough.

NB# This post is under heavy influence of 'Gray Matters' aftermath.

How long has it been since I last blogged?

Two nights ago, I met Dee-dee. Just a casual hey-how-ya-been-doin dinner with 4 others. As the night wore on, one by one left leaving us two together. then it happened again. Chemistry. Shitty effing chemistry.

I mean, there she was sitting across of me, updating me that she had dumped Irene for good (finally!) and was dating Shirelle a while back but things didn't work out... I kept nodding my head, looking down or rather Trying Not to look at her eyes, her legs, her arms... *gulp


I shared about my trying partnership with Juanita. And u know what, she got me.

      There was a difference in background. Our ethnicity was different.
      We ran about with different people. And I hate kids...
      Juanita had two of her own...

I mean, there was just so many things going against us...

And Dee emphatically understood it all. She immediately recognize knows where I'm coming from.

Me and juanita had parted only but recently and badly too..

Then one thing led to another and me and dee-dee pulled an all-niter!

Damn old habits!


***The mobile rang. It's Tanya. Dinner tonite on her. Strange for her to make such initiative but oh well, why not.

But back to Dee.

No, I'm not going to be sucked into another Dee episode. We're so over. I'm not going to call Dee to join. Besides, that would totally upset Tanya coz there's urm,,, bad blood between them. (read as I dumped Tanya for Dee)

Anyways, remember my cousin? She is now married and need I say tt it isn't going well for she and him.


A year have gone and passed. But how come everything's still the same?

ShitFuck.