In one of his interview, he said,"“The artistic, literary and creative horizons are so huge right now because there is a vacuum in terms of art, music and film. I think artists and creative-minded people, the composers, journalists and poets of the Muslim world, have to seize this opportunity to revive a civilization that has been lost."
I applaud you this, my brother!
You have to listen till 03:18 - that's when his voice soars and me gets that tingly feel down me spine.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Sing If You're Glad To Be Gay
I must say that altho there is a slight confidence in my inner gaeity, my outer reflection is a total mess.
Today I left home for class. But I dallied. Too late. So I had a hair cut (long overdue) and bought some light brown hair dye to boot.
It's like my mind is telling me I have to do this and do that but alas my body is uncooperative.
I think I think too much.
Wondering about next pay check. How am I gonna upkeep my bills. And my social life?
I can see some of you raisng an eyebrow. "If you a pauper, you live like one." But ahh,,, tis so easy to preach. But in practise, my friend... Dun be too quick too judge till you get to be in me shoes, eh.
Amidst all of these - is my wanting to be totally Gay. It IS a big deal to me. Coz it feels like I'm about to get there but where???
U know when you're about to climax but you never really do?
Yes, I'm in That perpetual state. GodDamn, Tiring!
It's like I know I'm gonna come but where?
ok, enough of rant.
This weekend was real good for me. I went out with Tanya like 2 girlfriends havin fun. It's like Bette and Alice hanging out. (Btw, I met Etha and she didn't know abt L word. How can that be? But she does know of QAF so that's alright I sppose.)
*sigh* Monday Blues
Another issue that's been nagging at me is how I've lost my fitness. Today I went out and all I had energy was to step out to the bus stop before deciding to take the cab. Maybe it's the heat. Fine, it's Not totally the heat!
So my step for today is to acknowledge that I want to pursue my fitness. We'll think about how later coz another thought just came in my mind.
You know how in those days, there were all those Freedom songs. Think abt freedom against slavery and against white supremacy etc. Well, I'd like to compose some gay freedom songs mostly depicting me, a muslim woman caged up in this living hell. Ok, I exxagerate. It's not a living hell but hey if I'd really write a song about some protagonist in a not-so-bad situation, what kind of marketability would that be?
I found the ultimate gay song and am happy to note that he's a fellow bisexual.
[Yes, people. I admit. I am bisexual. Hey, didn't I tell you Not to judge. Besides, I reckon I am bi with a higher tendency towards being a lesbian. (Becoz all men suck!) haha. Okay, I just said that to get a reaction. Don't spam on my comments all at once, yah.]
Today I left home for class. But I dallied. Too late. So I had a hair cut (long overdue) and bought some light brown hair dye to boot.
It's like my mind is telling me I have to do this and do that but alas my body is uncooperative.
I think I think too much.
Wondering about next pay check. How am I gonna upkeep my bills. And my social life?
I can see some of you raisng an eyebrow. "If you a pauper, you live like one." But ahh,,, tis so easy to preach. But in practise, my friend... Dun be too quick too judge till you get to be in me shoes, eh.
Amidst all of these - is my wanting to be totally Gay. It IS a big deal to me. Coz it feels like I'm about to get there but where???
U know when you're about to climax but you never really do?
Yes, I'm in That perpetual state. GodDamn, Tiring!
It's like I know I'm gonna come but where?
ok, enough of rant.
This weekend was real good for me. I went out with Tanya like 2 girlfriends havin fun. It's like Bette and Alice hanging out. (Btw, I met Etha and she didn't know abt L word. How can that be? But she does know of QAF so that's alright I sppose.)
*sigh* Monday Blues
Another issue that's been nagging at me is how I've lost my fitness. Today I went out and all I had energy was to step out to the bus stop before deciding to take the cab. Maybe it's the heat. Fine, it's Not totally the heat!
So my step for today is to acknowledge that I want to pursue my fitness. We'll think about how later coz another thought just came in my mind.
You know how in those days, there were all those Freedom songs. Think abt freedom against slavery and against white supremacy etc. Well, I'd like to compose some gay freedom songs mostly depicting me, a muslim woman caged up in this living hell. Ok, I exxagerate. It's not a living hell but hey if I'd really write a song about some protagonist in a not-so-bad situation, what kind of marketability would that be?
I found the ultimate gay song and am happy to note that he's a fellow bisexual.
[Yes, people. I admit. I am bisexual. Hey, didn't I tell you Not to judge. Besides, I reckon I am bi with a higher tendency towards being a lesbian. (Becoz all men suck!) haha. Okay, I just said that to get a reaction. Don't spam on my comments all at once, yah.]
Friday, April 25, 2008
No more pretending
No, I'm not shouting it out at the top of my lungs but I won't hide it.
I'mma gon move on with life. Start being the person that am s'pposed to be instead of wastin time pretendin to be someone that I'm not. I mean, god Damn - I'm exhausted.
Enough is enough.
NB# This post is under heavy influence of 'Gray Matters' aftermath.
Friday, April 04, 2008
How long has it been since I last blogged?
Two nights ago, I met Dee-dee. Just a casual hey-how-ya-been-doin dinner with 4 others. As the night wore on, one by one left leaving us two together. then it happened again. Chemistry. Shitty effing chemistry.
I mean, there she was sitting across of me, updating me that she had dumped Irene for good (finally!) and was dating Shirelle a while back but things didn't work out... I kept nodding my head, looking down or rather Trying Not to look at her eyes, her legs, her arms... *gulp
I shared about my trying partnership with Juanita. And u know what, she got me.
There was a difference in background. Our ethnicity was different.
We ran about with different people. And I hate kids...
Juanita had two of her own...
I mean, there was just so many things going against us...
And Dee emphatically understood it all. She immediately recognize knows where I'm coming from.
Me and juanita had parted only but recently and badly too..
Then one thing led to another and me and dee-dee pulled an all-niter!
Damn old habits!
***The mobile rang. It's Tanya. Dinner tonite on her. Strange for her to make such initiative but oh well, why not.
But back to Dee.
No, I'm not going to be sucked into another Dee episode. We're so over. I'm not going to call Dee to join. Besides, that would totally upset Tanya coz there's urm,,, bad blood between them. (read as I dumped Tanya for Dee)
Anyways, remember my cousin? She is now married and need I say tt it isn't going well for she and him.
A year have gone and passed. But how come everything's still the same?
ShitFuck.
I mean, there she was sitting across of me, updating me that she had dumped Irene for good (finally!) and was dating Shirelle a while back but things didn't work out... I kept nodding my head, looking down or rather Trying Not to look at her eyes, her legs, her arms... *gulp
I shared about my trying partnership with Juanita. And u know what, she got me.
There was a difference in background. Our ethnicity was different.
We ran about with different people. And I hate kids...
Juanita had two of her own...
I mean, there was just so many things going against us...
And Dee emphatically understood it all. She immediately recognize knows where I'm coming from.
Me and juanita had parted only but recently and badly too..
Then one thing led to another and me and dee-dee pulled an all-niter!
Damn old habits!
***The mobile rang. It's Tanya. Dinner tonite on her. Strange for her to make such initiative but oh well, why not.
But back to Dee.
No, I'm not going to be sucked into another Dee episode. We're so over. I'm not going to call Dee to join. Besides, that would totally upset Tanya coz there's urm,,, bad blood between them. (read as I dumped Tanya for Dee)
Anyways, remember my cousin? She is now married and need I say tt it isn't going well for she and him.
A year have gone and passed. But how come everything's still the same?
ShitFuck.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Monday, June 12, 2006
Uncompromised Position
I am working away from 'home' but due to a technical catastrophe, all are requested to at home office to provide extra hands. (possibly brains too). The downside is how tightly wound-up everyone at work is. The up side is I'm left to my own doing. Yes, it's good to be 'home'.
Last weekend I was appointed official Nanny for a group of kids ranging 6-14. That would be 'work' enough for one who declares to 'hate kids'. These were the sweetest bunch of kids if there ever was. Almost changed my minds about children until they decided it was easy to play 'hide & seek' with their official Nanna. I must say I had fun tho - but you won't catch me saying so Offline!
I also had fun with Tanya. She was official Nanny Assistant. - I don't know why people would think that it's ok to pair you up with an ex even tho it seems like you're good friends now... By the way, did I mention how when we were together, it seemed like me and Tanya were the "forever" couple? -
I digress.
It was during our 'play parent' sessions - By the way, Tanya has this inate ability to make it look like she's the 'mom' figure and me the 'dad' figure which is something unfair coz apart from the outlook appearance, Tanya is more alpha than me! - that Twet confides in me about her current beau Andy. He is literally a He, meaning, male. An actual male-born male, been-male-all-his-life male! Andy is a heterosexual man!
I couldn't stop laughing. Oh the irony of that disclosure. (Tanya and I had difficulty coming to terms with the fact that I had/may have relationships with men.)
Later on, we brought the kids back and they were absolutely spent. I left to get dinner but when I got back, the kids were already in bed, their hunger filled with instant noodles! Bless them.
I had a nice dinner with Tanya and we were a lil drowsy as well. There were 2 bedrooms but since 1 was filled with kids, we decided to retire to the only one available.
"Habit has a habit of making a habit out of you."
In the room, I switched on some good ole music, perhaps out of habit.
Something soft that we both enjoy.
Then she propped up in bed with a book,"Did you also bring a book?".
I pointed to mine. Never leave home without it.
Me neither, she quipped.
You never know when chance would present time for reading.
At this point I think I should mention that the parents of these kids were still at work and wouldn't be able to join the chalet till close to midnight.
***Ooops gotta go - To be continued....***
Last weekend I was appointed official Nanny for a group of kids ranging 6-14. That would be 'work' enough for one who declares to 'hate kids'. These were the sweetest bunch of kids if there ever was. Almost changed my minds about children until they decided it was easy to play 'hide & seek' with their official Nanna. I must say I had fun tho - but you won't catch me saying so Offline!
I also had fun with Tanya. She was official Nanny Assistant. - I don't know why people would think that it's ok to pair you up with an ex even tho it seems like you're good friends now... By the way, did I mention how when we were together, it seemed like me and Tanya were the "forever" couple? -
I digress.
It was during our 'play parent' sessions - By the way, Tanya has this inate ability to make it look like she's the 'mom' figure and me the 'dad' figure which is something unfair coz apart from the outlook appearance, Tanya is more alpha than me! - that Twet confides in me about her current beau Andy. He is literally a He, meaning, male. An actual male-born male, been-male-all-his-life male! Andy is a heterosexual man!
I couldn't stop laughing. Oh the irony of that disclosure. (Tanya and I had difficulty coming to terms with the fact that I had/may have relationships with men.)
Later on, we brought the kids back and they were absolutely spent. I left to get dinner but when I got back, the kids were already in bed, their hunger filled with instant noodles! Bless them.
I had a nice dinner with Tanya and we were a lil drowsy as well. There were 2 bedrooms but since 1 was filled with kids, we decided to retire to the only one available.
"Habit has a habit of making a habit out of you."
In the room, I switched on some good ole music, perhaps out of habit.
Something soft that we both enjoy.
Then she propped up in bed with a book,"Did you also bring a book?".
I pointed to mine. Never leave home without it.
Me neither, she quipped.
You never know when chance would present time for reading.
At this point I think I should mention that the parents of these kids were still at work and wouldn't be able to join the chalet till close to midnight.
***Ooops gotta go - To be continued....***
Monday, May 29, 2006
Coming out party
Just as I resolved Not to go out for the weekends, I was invited for some Edukators gathering. Just a few drinks with some colleagues and others in the industry. We'll much ado about nothing or so I had hoped.
The turn outs had professors (some of whom I admire) and lecturers and political MSC students plus 1 Teaching assistant aka me!
It was hard work getting through the chit chats & keeping up with the pace of these academias. (If you didn't know it, yours truly is an absolute bimbo.)
Me: Like what the government did… ha ha (apparently the only one laughing)
Academia: You don’t agree?
Me: er… It’s not that I don’t agree but it’s just funny. No?
Academia: It saved many jobs and increased economic growth per capita.
Me: *giggles* But imagine the officials doing dirt work in that pig farm…
Academia: *straight face*
Me: *braced myself* ehem, which although would have seem silly is nothing to trifle with. I admire their commitment.
Academia: So, you agree?
Me: I agree and yet I disagree. (Launches into the pros and cons of the farm movement)
After fending several suspicions, I finally found myself a corner to simply drink in the atmosphere.
Ironically enough, the alfresco diner by the cliff was absolutely breathtaking.
Along came him.
Him: Hullo there
Me: Hi
Him: On a break?
Me: Analyzing from afar
Him: aah,,, Well, let me tell you about them, “I zink ze verld is all looking to my opeenion on how to improove ze verld type”
I gotta give it him. He was funny and his mimicry talents were show worthy. I don’t know if it was the drinks or him but slowly I began to enjoy myself.
Before I know it, there was a group surrounding us. These were people who needed a break from all that global discussion and talk about mundane stuff like movies, music, reads, and traveling and or other interest. Welcome to my world.
By then, I was a wee tipsy.
Him: *in a low voice meant only for me* So where do you stay?
Me: Z station
Him: I stay in A station
Me: - nods -
Him: Oooh, we’re staying in opposite ends. It’s like Opposite Attracts.
Me: - gives him a weird look -
Him: Not that I’m trying to hit on you or anything like that.
Me: - gives him an incredulous look –
Him: But yeah, my place or yours *with cheeky grin*
Me: I’m gay.
Him: You’re what?
The song in the background had ended and it was about to play the next song but for the silence in between the tracks. People who had been talking had also somewhat lowered down their volume. People near to us (me and him) had also stopped talking for they heard his exclamation.
Me: I said, I’m gay.
Then the realization that although I wasn’t that loud, almost everyone on the floor had heard me.
Somewhere in the background you could hear whispers.
Voice 1: What did she say?
Voice 2: She’s gay.
The next track was now playing…
Him: Oooooh.
Me: Ya.
Him: Ok, then… Well it was nice meeting you
Me: Ya ok.
Him: I have to er.. I left something in my car..
Me: Sure. Me too.
He left. I left. And no, I didn’t leave anything in my car. Truth is, I don’t even have a car but if I had one, I’d leave something in the god damn car just to get away from the looks/glances I got.
The turn outs had professors (some of whom I admire) and lecturers and political MSC students plus 1 Teaching assistant aka me!
It was hard work getting through the chit chats & keeping up with the pace of these academias. (If you didn't know it, yours truly is an absolute bimbo.)
Me: Like what the government did… ha ha (apparently the only one laughing)
Academia: You don’t agree?
Me: er… It’s not that I don’t agree but it’s just funny. No?
Academia: It saved many jobs and increased economic growth per capita.
Me: *giggles* But imagine the officials doing dirt work in that pig farm…
Academia: *straight face*
Me: *braced myself* ehem, which although would have seem silly is nothing to trifle with. I admire their commitment.
Academia: So, you agree?
Me: I agree and yet I disagree. (Launches into the pros and cons of the farm movement)
After fending several suspicions, I finally found myself a corner to simply drink in the atmosphere.
Ironically enough, the alfresco diner by the cliff was absolutely breathtaking.
Along came him.
Him: Hullo there
Me: Hi
Him: On a break?
Me: Analyzing from afar
Him: aah,,, Well, let me tell you about them, “I zink ze verld is all looking to my opeenion on how to improove ze verld type”
I gotta give it him. He was funny and his mimicry talents were show worthy. I don’t know if it was the drinks or him but slowly I began to enjoy myself.
Before I know it, there was a group surrounding us. These were people who needed a break from all that global discussion and talk about mundane stuff like movies, music, reads, and traveling and or other interest. Welcome to my world.
By then, I was a wee tipsy.
Him: *in a low voice meant only for me* So where do you stay?
Me: Z station
Him: I stay in A station
Me: - nods -
Him: Oooh, we’re staying in opposite ends. It’s like Opposite Attracts.
Me: - gives him a weird look -
Him: Not that I’m trying to hit on you or anything like that.
Me: - gives him an incredulous look –
Him: But yeah, my place or yours *with cheeky grin*
Me: I’m gay.
Him: You’re what?
The song in the background had ended and it was about to play the next song but for the silence in between the tracks. People who had been talking had also somewhat lowered down their volume. People near to us (me and him) had also stopped talking for they heard his exclamation.
Me: I said, I’m gay.
Then the realization that although I wasn’t that loud, almost everyone on the floor had heard me.
Somewhere in the background you could hear whispers.
Voice 1: What did she say?
Voice 2: She’s gay.
The next track was now playing…
Him: Oooooh.
Me: Ya.
Him: Ok, then… Well it was nice meeting you
Me: Ya ok.
Him: I have to er.. I left something in my car..
Me: Sure. Me too.
He left. I left. And no, I didn’t leave anything in my car. Truth is, I don’t even have a car but if I had one, I’d leave something in the god damn car just to get away from the looks/glances I got.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Home Weekends
I shall resist the temptation of a party this weekend because I have way too much work needin to be done.
Resist.
Resisting.
I think I'll go open that bottle of tequila afterall...
Resist.
Resisting.
I think I'll go open that bottle of tequila afterall...
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
I'm back
Sick ville = Ostracity.
Well meaning = Pride & Prejudice, The OC and X-men.
I called no one = No one called me.
Water water on the seeds
To my left they rose and leaf
To my right cross Seven Seas
Maybe maybe they'll stay true
My seeds will cross and then take root
And leave you to an empty room
Lonely lonely that is you
Paper paper obsolete
How will you reach out to me
I thought you'd ask me not to leave
Lonely lonely that is me
Distance makes the heart grow weak
So that the mouth can barely speak
Except to those who hide their needs
And I have read the golden seal
That tell of how the feelings feel
Reminds my heart what love can yield
But the only things are clear
I'm staying here
Lonely and so untrue
Well meaning = Pride & Prejudice, The OC and X-men.
I called no one = No one called me.
Water water on the seeds
To my left they rose and leaf
To my right cross Seven Seas
Maybe maybe they'll stay true
My seeds will cross and then take root
And leave you to an empty room
Lonely lonely that is you
Paper paper obsolete
How will you reach out to me
I thought you'd ask me not to leave
Lonely lonely that is me
Distance makes the heart grow weak
So that the mouth can barely speak
Except to those who hide their needs
And I have read the golden seal
That tell of how the feelings feel
Reminds my heart what love can yield
But the only things are clear
I'm staying here
Lonely and so untrue
Thursday, May 18, 2006
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